Gracies Blog

I like to think I am a caring person. But this, this is one thing I just do not care about. You can tell me about it a million times over, and again I will look you in the eye and say, I do not care.  I cannot count the times I’ve been  walking down the street with someone when all conversation stops for a clear and decisive moment of judgment.  A moment of all the - choices-I-have-ever-made-are-far-better-than-the-choices-that-this-unknown-person-is-making-today . A young woman with gaping big ear gauges may walk past, an obese older man needing assistance shuffles by, someone’s body is covered in tattoos, a mother feeding a toddler non-organic ice cream before lunch, someone speaking too loudly, an unflattering skirt, top, shoes, hair tie, someone too short, tall or even a little too mousy.  “oh, if only he would”, “I have no idea why anyone would….” …”did you see…?” For some strange reason, they seem to think I care what their opinion is. For some strange reason, people think t

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.  2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends and family all the time. 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. It’s a powerful list. Point 5 is fascinating. I wish I LET myself be happier. Happiness is partly a choice to accept what you can’t control and take control of what you can. You can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can always control your response to what happens to you. This sense of power and freedom to choose is the basis for happiness. It has become a bit of a cliché to say that you should live ONLY in the present. Any mention of the past is looked down on. From one perspective this is true. This is the only moment that exists, the only opportunity you have to make empowering choices. The problem is that our relationship with the past is mostly unconscious

So many life lessons to learn and so many truths to admit; 1. This world is made up of 2 kinds of people only; Good People who do good deeds and Bad People who do bad deeds. Regardless of your religion, belief or orientation; you are either a good person or a bad person not only by your profession but by your actions. 2. You must stand by what you belief in regardless because that forms your identity and legacy in life. 3. You can achieve tremendous success in life through love and genuine care for humanity more than you can through hate, competition and manipulation. 4. No matter how big your dream is, focus and persistence will guarantee success. 5. Skills is better than Certificate; It is needful to acquire and perfect your skills because it is essential for survival no matter where you find yourself. 

“I always wanted a happy ending. I learned, the hard way that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is ab out not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”  ~ Gilda Radner ~ Change always begin with an ending, a death of sorts and sometimes  an actual death, and ends with a beginning. In between it moves through an ambiguous zone of uncertainty when you don’t know what to do and where to turn. The new beginning arrives when you make a choice to move on, accept your situation, take the moment that is life and make the best of it. When you in the mist of a struggle, when you have just lost someone you loved, when you just heard the news of a bad tragedy it doesn't feel delicious at the time, JUST AMBIGUOUS.  But in time we can learn to appreciate the ambiguity to the point that it is delicious because what is the alternat

I approve of myself.  I love and accept  all  parts of myself.  Loving myself heals my life. I express my feelings openly and easily.  I am a loving, positive and cooperative person.  I forgive myself and others totally. I am willing to accept love in fact I deserve love . People enjoy being with me because I am a joyful, o riginal, u nderstanding, hopeful, o pen minded, sensitive and  easygoing person. I am so grateful to have a loving, supportive partner.  I am so grateful to have loving, supportive friends. I am grateful to have loving, supportive family.  I emotionally support my friends and encourage them to be their best at all times.  I am aware of past patterns that no longer serve  me and I release them easily. I listen closely and open my heart when interacting with others. My partner and I share and talk easily with no boundaries.  My partner and I enjoy a wonderful sexual relationship. My partner and I are compatible emotionally, intellectually, physicall

They say to love your enemies, but no one tells you how to do it. It’s easy to think nice thoughts about difficult people when you’re alone, but how do you love the annoying work colleague, you know the one who’s like a shiver looking for a spine to run up. We’re supposed to find the best in people, but how do you do it? How do find the best in a person that even telemarketers hang up on? Sometimes you can remove difficult people from your life, and sometimes that’s exactly the right thing to do, BUT, on the other hand…… Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they’re your boss in a job you need. Sometimes they’re a brother-in-law, family members and you don’t want to lose touch with your sister. Sometimes they’re an ex and you need to co parent. Sometimes they move in next door. Sometimes they’re on the other end of an important service call. You get the point. And in any case, can’t we do better than create a cocoon of people we like? As Socrates said in Peaceful Warrior, “Those who are

“When you’re depressed, nothing matters. When you’re sad, everything does.” ~  Gloria Steinem I guess its a fine line, because sadness doesn’t explain itself along the way. Its only after a bout of sadness, when the fog lifts, that you gain the perspective that everything matters. When you’re sad, you’re just sad. Maybe the distinction between depression and sadness is in the intensity and how long it lasts. You still function while you’re sad, go about your day as best you can. Sadness is a weight, but depression is crushing and paralyzing. Danielle Laporte put it like this, Sadness hurts but it signals that you are very, very much alive. Depression may be the cousin of sadness, sometimes the defended response to unyielding sadness, but it makes you feel anything but alive. It dulls, weighs, and messes with your memory of your true essential nature — which is that of joy. Its important to seek to understand the difference, because the cure is likely different.  For depress

Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. Enjoy the ride.  We all want to control our lives, to some extent, so that we can feel safe. Change often throws a wrench in that plan, hurling curve balls and body blows that mess with the order you crave.  Change can feel chaotic. Befriend chaos, and you will befriend change. Befriend change, and you will unlock the secret to a peaceful life.  The  first truth of change  is that it happens and we are always in the middle of it.   The   second truth of change   is to allow the future to emerge within, through and around you. The third truth of change is to embrace chaos. Buckle in, stay present, know who you are and get ready to grow. The difference between a deck of cards and an iPhone illustrates the possibilities of chaos. The deck of cards is shuffled and completely disordered, a prime example of chaos. The iPhone is a prime example of order, an amazing machine, the result of decades of precision technology. W

Those little things that make you happy, those people who make you laugh and smile like a dork.  Learn from the past. Don't let it break or define you. Things happen for a reason. Make sure you make the most of what you have.  Show your friends how much they mean to you and how much you appreciate them. Smile and make the most of your life. Make it what you want it to be.  HAPPY are they who take like day by day, complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in LIFE. Don't take the little things for granted.

How quickly we forget! In early summer I find myself resenting a cool 60 degree morning, when not three months earlier I would have given my right arm for that sort of tropical delight. How easily we take things for granted, and forget the miracle and gift of being alive. Entitlement is the nemesis of inner peace . It is an insatiable beast. Even laying the whole world at the feet of entitlement is not enough. His first response is, “what took you so long”, the second, “Where is the moon?” Entitlement convinces you that the world owes you a debt, and multiple gifts are barely enough payback for what you deserve. Gratitude is the anti-venom that neutralizes entitlement’s poison. Gratitude is the opposite of entitlement. Gratitude begins with acceptance of what arises exactly as it is, rather than as you wish they were or expect them to be. Gratitude is not about benefits or usefulness or outcomes. You are thankful that things are just as they are — diverse, surprising, authentic an

I’m ok at a few things. I can cook a decent curry, make babies smile in boring grocery lines, and put up with endless Seinfeld repeats. I’m also generally good at knowing when to stop drinking, spending too much, and sleeping in. But I am not good at goodbyes. Whether at funerals or airports, I just can’t do it. They hurt. And I don’t like hurting. It’s an end. And I don’t like endings. I want more. I want possibilities, chances, and just-maybe’s. I want the promise of a see-you-later. I really do. I want to see you, later. Oh I can fluff it up, focus on the good times. Celebrate and appreciate all I've learned and all I've become. Yes- cheers to the lessons, cheers to the journey, cheers to you and cheers to me. We can dress it up and dance with the goodbyes into the night- pretending you’ll call tomorrow to say what fun, let’s do it all again. But there is no tomorrow and there is no again. We all know goodbyes are just down-right badbyes. They have no rhythm, they’re

Marianne Williamson said- “When a woman gives birth, two are born; a baby from the womb of its mother and a woman from the womb of her former existence.” Being a mother, in all its humanity, joy and frustration, is ultimately a celebration of a new you. You will never be the same after all this pain, all this loving, all this letting go. In each step on the path of motherhood, you are discovering the delight of awakening to the source of life that dances in and through you. As a mother, you know what it is to feel such intense passion for your creation that you would stop at nothing to try and end your child’s suffering. As a mother, you know forgiveness like no other. As a mother, you celebrate the achievements of your child because you know better than others the struggle that often leads to success. Most importantly, mothers know how changeable life is. You know what it is to shift your roles and relationships with your kids. This is such a profound lesson in impermanence.  M

Anger is almost ALWAYS a case of mistaken identity.  Everything that annoys or enrages us in other people is something we haven’t faced in ourselves. Getting involved in other peoples’ anger is like the Irishman who found two people brawling in the street and asked, “Is this a private fight or can anyone get involved?” Another person’s anger is NOT your fight. It’s like the sign at the zoo, “Don’t feed the lions.” Don’t feed anger . It’s a misplaced primal scream. Feed the real hunger, which is a plea for understanding. It’s their cry for help. The question is how we answer the cry. It starts with compassion.  I’m not talking about pity, or pop psychoanalyzing someone in the heat of their rage. That will make it worse. I’m talking about genuinely feeling compassion for the other person, and hearing their pain. You can’t take away someone else’s pain, but it’s amazing how much compassion helps. Next time you are attacked you have a choice. You can attack back and end up in a sma

I write because I have to. Not because I have a million amazing thoughts racing around my head that must be written down, or that I have ideas nobody has ever heard, words worth repeating, insights, perspectives or lessons nobody else has learned.  I don’t write because I’m clever, have a way with words or because people care. Nobody’s life depends on it, it doesn't save lives and nor may it change lives.  I have no delusions of grandeur. My life is no more full of things worth writing about than yours. You and I are the same. We do stuff and go to bed. I write because I must. It opens me up, and slows me down. It hands me a shovel and says – here dig. Dig around and see what’s already there, waiting patiently to be found. Writing opens my eyes, and opens my heart.  Writing are my glasses and my pacemaker.  Perhaps you must dance, take photos of bugs, sing quietly to yourself, or cook meals for those you love. It takes courage to quieten the noise, to stop the searching.

Words hurt. Critical, condescending words bury deep inside children and haunt them for years, if not life. I don’t know how serious my runaway thoughts were when I was a teenager, but I certainly had some dark years. My school experience left me with two conflicting and lingering thoughts. No one is going to tell me what I can and can’t do with my life. I had to overcome many barriers to become a public speaker.  Words are powerful. We ALL have a heavy responsibility in the way we speak to kids; parents, teachers, all adults alike. We can either encourage kids to claim their power and live their true life, or we can keep therapists busy helping people overcome damaging words from the past. Thich Nhat Hanh offers this awesome statement about using loving words: Aware that words can create suffering or happiness, I am committed to speaking truthfully and constructively, using only words that inspire hope and confidence. Ask yourself some pointed questions before speaking:

Regrets? We've all had a few. Whether its things you did and wished you didn't, or things you never did and wished you had, the sting of regret bites hard. ` Whenever one door closes, another one always opens´.  “It’s not that you don’t regret things in life, but you at least try to learn from them.” We should all keep something flawed or misspelled close by to remind us that this is the nature of life. If we get hung up on imperfections, we will live in a state of perpetual regret. Its what’s on the inside that matters, and the inside is where we handle disappointment without lapsing into bitterness or regret.  If you keep in the back of your mind that one day you will be looking back on choices you make today, you can make choices now that you will be proud of for years to come. (or not, because none of us is perfect , but this is a later step and I don’t want to regret getting ahead of myself here).  But as far as is humanly possible, make choices now that align with your

  I ain't worthy, but I still believe. I ain't perfect, but I still try. I ain't smart, but I still read. I ain't beautiful, but I still love. I ain't anything near what you got, but I ain't hating. I may not be what you want, need, or fantasize, but I'm still me. Take me as I am, or leave me the way I'll be. I have no idea where this strength is coming from. To get up when I was hurt, to care when no one has cared for me, to walk alone in the dark without anyone's hand to touch. And I guess it came from me, the knowledge that this is the person I am meant to be.

We ALL want rock solid self confidence, but what is it and where does it come from? Here are some of my current thoughts on confidence. I don’t see myself as confident. Most of my life, I've attempted things I didn't feel equipped for, but I tend to put my head down and go for it anyway. Some might call me naive! Persistent? YES, that’s my middle name! In any case, realizing that I’m not particularly confident but I AM persistent and I am generally optimistic. Confidence is generally your belief in your own ability (based on past experience) while optimism is a big picture perspective. In other words, I don’t know if I can do this, but I will do my best and trust that it will all work out as it needs to.  Confidence depends on me. Optimism depends on me + forces beyond me. Optimism operates despite confidence, but true confidence needs the guiding hand of optimism to make sure ego doesn't spin out of control. And then when my sense of purpose gives me confidence that I

It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes. Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live and let's change the way we treat each other. You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do what we gotta do, to survive. And still I see no changes. Can't a brother get a little peace? There's war on the streets and the war in the Middle East. Instead of war on poverty, they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me. And I ain't never did a crime I ain't have to do. But now I'm back with the facts givin' 'em back to you. Don't let 'em jack you up, back you up, crack you up and pimp smack you up. You gotta learn to hold ya own. They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone. But tell the cops they can't touch this. I don't trust this, when they try to rush I bust this. That's the sound of my tool. You say it ain't cool, but mama didn't raise no fool. And as long as I

    Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity, and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity, and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions. The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, "Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody." ... [My dark side says,] I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the "Beloved." Being the Beloved constitutes the co