I have it All......!!!!

I have it all.

I have a soon to be husband and ex-lovers. A house,  a debt and a dog that is too cute for it’s own good in my head. I have long friendships, caring parents, loving family members, and a pantry full of food. I have vacations, clothing and an education.

I have the seasons, the daylight and sleep. I have the here and now and the possibility of tomorrow. I have gardens and oceans. I have every colour and every sound in all the earth. I can reach for the horizon or just put one foot forward.

I have fear and pain both deep and frightening. Doubt that freezes me in place, and bad circulation. I have control issues, environmental issues, and parent issues. I have anger, am irritated and skeptical. I have grief, loss and pits full of loneliness.

I have complete clarity, and utter disbelief. I have the freedom to question and the safety to just be. I have the luxury to explore, myself. I have nowhere to be and everywhere to go. I have space to run and shadows to hide in.

I have snow storms and hospital visits. Tulips that refuse to bud. I have misunderstandings, lost keys and skinned knees. I have barking dogs and forgotten moments just out of reach.

 I have laugh lines and worry lines and long boring grocery lines. Dirt under my fingernails and silver painted toenails. I have brown hair and skinny jeans that I probably shouldn't wear.

I have laughter that cannot be stopped and tears that surprise me. I have children to teach me and a partner to believe in me. I have hot tea, conversations, and Sunday afternoons. I have dreams that just won’t let go and squirrels at my bird feeder.

 I have missed opportunities and made up dramas. The songs of birds I too easily tune out. I have my own inner world and too much housework. I have soft landings and harsh realities 

I have acceptance, I have peace, I have passion.

I have love.

I have my breath.

But I have so much more than all of this. These big clumsy words bulky and awkward, cannot possibly explain just how much I have.

For it is true, I have more than enough.

I have it all.