Be slow to judge.

They say to love your enemies, but no one tells you how to do it. It’s easy to think nice thoughts about difficult people when you’re alone, but how do you love the annoying work colleague, you know the one who’s like a shiver looking for a spine to run up. We’re supposed to find the best in people, but how do you do it? How do find the best in a person that even telemarketers hang up on?

Sometimes you can remove difficult people from your life, and sometimes that’s exactly the right thing to do, BUT, on the other hand……

Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes they’re your boss in a job you need. Sometimes they’re a brother-in-law and you don’t want to lose touch with your sister. Sometimes they’re an ex and you need to co parent. Sometimes they move in next door. Sometimes they’re on the other end of an important service call. You get the point.

Think of it this way. Every act of love brings light to the world. If loving your family and friends lights up a room, imagine how far reaching the light, deep within and out to the corners of the earth, when you break through the shell of familiarity and love a stranger or beat down a wall and love someone you dislike.

The world desperately needs the sort of love that stretches to the moon and back and collects all the strays, monsters, foes and nemeses on its way. The question remains- yes, but how do you find the beauty in the beast?

Difficult is SO subjective. We find people difficult because they hold up a mirror and we don’t like everything we see. Learn to love your own cranky qualities, and you will have less resistance and conflict with cranks and monsters around you.

And maybe the most important lesson of all from Gran Torino is that people are complex, they have all sorts of conflicting motives and experiences. And they change! Eastwood is protecting his worldview, his community, at least what he thinks is best for his neighborhood. He thinks his Asian neighbors are the problem, only to later find that he needs to protect them to safeguard a culture he values. He changed. People change. We ALL change. Be slow to judge.

Oscar Wilde said it well,

Everyone may not be good, but there’s always something good in everyone. Never judge anyone because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.